UPDATE?

So I haven't been on here in a few months....I've been going through a whole movie worth of events but i'm going to try and sum it up the best way that I can....

I've come to realize that something has changed in me....

I don't look or talk to me as I use to...it's almost as if im sooo use or comfortable as to the way things go and how people are...im never surprised.

I'm searching for new friends...

I'm looking for new "boo's"

I'm looking for different things to persue in school...

I'm honestly bored with life right now and I NEED some excitement

School for the most part has been the same but i'm not as passionate as I use to be. I feel like the whole "college" things has lost its flare and now i'm just stuck. I use to be excited to come to school and branch off into to new classes or new programs. Now I don't feel like doing much of anything but I know that I have to. I'm guessing that it's just where I am. I'm starting to think I should look into other schools and try to transfer and start off fresh.

IDK....

Maybe ever since my grandmother died....something in me has died and i've lost passion for somethings...Im trying to find myself again while learning new things as I go along.

As for a love or like interest, there is none and i'm tired of just casual sex. I want someone to be able to feed my every desire. Im not saying be my slave...im saying that I want this person to almost be my perfect fit. I want somebody that I can relax with and chill with everyother day. I want to be able to talk to this person whenever I feel and not be judged. Even if we do become sexual, I want it to be a mutual understanding between him and I and not be treated as a sex object. The crazy part is, I won't be able to find this because most men might think i'm asking for too much when I dont even want a relationship to begin with. I dont want a "sometimes guy" like sometimes he might like me...sometimes he wont...sometimes we might have sex or sometimes he might call me....i dont want my feelings to be played with because i'm too old for that now. If a person is only interested in having sex with me and then ignoring me the next day, it is not and NEVER will be worth it and i'm not that type of girl so I won't just fuck anyone just because. It seems like the things that I want are so simple but at the same time, its so hard.....so0o intangible. I'm hoping everything that I want slowly falls in my path soon.

R.I.P. Big Momma