Fighting Feelings.

I like this guy...the problem is I CAN'T SEE MYSELF BEING WITH HIM. Just because I like someone doesn't mean we should be together..same thing goes for that emotion called LOVE.I've been single for some years now(LOL) and often I say I'm ready for another relationship but I think I'm better off being single at the moment. There is nothing wrong with being single and I don't understand why people sit there on their twitter and fb status saying "oooh i need a man" or"Ohh im so lonely tonight" when you know damn well you are not going to get something long term after that esp. if you got you ass and your breasts all up in the profile pics with your tongue our CHILD PLEASE. Single life is fine by me...I've been working quite well by myself and as I have been more involved with my studies and campus life in general, a relationship is nice but, I don't have time for it right now...leading to one if the reasons why I can't see myself with this guy that I like...that and I don't think were on the same level. I haven't known him for a long time so who am I to judge but I expect someone man or female if they are interested in someone, they will pursue them and he has yet to pursue me in a form of a relationship. I'm not into have a "cutty-buddy" either so that's just out the window. I'm analyzing him but myself at the same time because I'm open but I'm not here to be played. Most men and women are in their prime right now so they want to just live free. I'm enjoying my life right now but it's not for the parties and the foreplay, I don't have the time because I'm trying to make a living and I'm to stay in college as well as graduate in 2013. I also feel that because I am very mature for my age, a lot of men see me as intimidating because I'm so serious with certain topics and that I'm not one of these dumb ass girls flopping around and smacking my lip gloss in everyone's face. The silly GIRLS ( because they obviously are mature enough to be women) who do this daily make the real women like MOI look bad. Now don't get me wrong...I am not stuck up or high maintenance....to keep it real, I want someone who will not bullshit with me and my feelings. I haven't come across him yet and things take time. My last relationship did not work and that has been my only relationship period. I loved my EX but things just didn't work out, he wasn't on my level and he didn't have his head on straight so after 4 years (LOL) I moved on and opened my options...Now that I am in college and I am a women in process growing everyday, I have my fun, I party and play around but I am very serious about my studies and I can't let any man get in the way of that right now, esp if he's not going to support me. Now along the way, I met this guy and I have grown to like him but I'm trying to fight it because I don't know him well and I don't know what his intentions are.I like this guy but maybe what we need is time...who knows.

ThouShallNotLieOnYourPenis

So....I read something today that made me LAUGH. This guy I know had to nerve to try and become an overnight philosopher and try to educate people on sex. The topic was right but the speaker was wrong....HERE'S WHY: This fool was lying like every other sentence. UMMM HELLO? You can't try to encourage others if you aren't telling the truth and you def. can't judge people if you are doing the SAME EXACT THING. Now he sat here and tried to say our youth needs to learn more about sex and use condoms but hello you don't even use condoms yourself. * In Fabolous Voice* NO BUENO. Now don't try to make yourself look good and you know you have some skeletons in your closet. ThouShallNotLieOnYourPenis...I hate in this day and age that a man thinks his "sex game" is suppose to attract me to him and I hate that if i do want to pursue someone sexually, they can't answer questions that I ask. #1 PLEASE DO NOT LIE TO ME ABOUT YOUR NUMBER OF SEXUAL PARTNERS. If I'm asking you that means that I obviously can handle the number and I just want to know little about your sex history...I didn't ask who..what..where..when..and what position. I just asked for a number and I can gladly give the my number in exchange. Now, if you are uncomfortable..that's fine but that also tells me that you are uncomfortable with me..which means. WE ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX. I love a man's honesty so just be a realist. #2 USE CONDOMS. I was mad that I couldn't be in support of my N-sistahs and get tested down DC today but no matter what...condoms are my friend not my foe. Now, I know sometimes we slip up, I myself have done so in the past but be safe and #3 GET TESTED like why would you want to walk around and not know if your burning or not?..No but seriously a disease is not joke so go pee or get that little poke to get those results so it's not your life that you have to revoke. Understand? I myself am HIV NEGATIVE and safe sex and being aware has helped me keep this status so go find out yours. Last but not least...#4 KNOW YOUR PARNTER AND LOVE YOURSELF. Just because I said for men: ThouShallNotLieOnYourPenis doesn't mean that I don't have anything to say about females so ladies do me a favor repeat it with me...ThouShallNotLieOnYourVagina!! Now some people don't see sex as something serious...they just think it's "fun under the sun" but 3 months later when that tummy is turning into a round Bun..your smile will soon fade or if your get those papers say that your positive, those tears shall soon shed. Don't make the mistake of just giving yourself to anyone just because you know it's there and available. Know your partner. Why would you just openly have sex with a random stranger and you don't know what they carry or what they are capable of??..and ladies don't let these foolish men out in the world take advantage of you. Your body is one is your most prized possessions so please, take care of it. There so many people that are trying to rush and lose their virginity for what? Because "Everybody is doing it"? It's worth the wait...and LOVE YOURSELF don't let someone use and abuse your body. Ladies he's not the only one with that "bomb ass stroke game" and he should def. wear a condom if he cares so much. Men, we know there's some pretty women on earth but you don't have to have sex with her and you don't have let her manipulate you. Having sex is not a crime but just be aware of what you are doing and who you are doing it with.

So 19 Years later

Today I sat back to think about my life and what I've been through. I know for a fact that no one will be able to EVER understand the half. Though times were rough....I grew into the Diamond that I shine out to be today. I honestly didn't expect this much from myself but who knew how much my intellect would have grown just within a year. All the people that Ive had in and out of my life and those who are still here have helped me along the way. Then there are some that I haven't been able to point my finger on yet but I know that they are around me for a reason. Recently, Ive been feeling like I'm about to reach my "Break Through." I have no accurate explanation behind it but there's an internal feeling that's telling me otherwise. I am proud of myself because I left all of my problems in the past and turned negative events into motivation. Now, I'm not being stuck up or pointing my nose down on anyone because I have grown but I will have different feelings and views. Though I'm still young, I am very mature for my age and it surprises a lot of people. So, 19 years later here I am, single, free-spirited and on a mission...by any means necessary. I will achieve greatness.

"I remember"

Bored at 1:45 Am...Thinking

So I'm sitting here listening to Faith Evan's "You Used To Love Me" and I started thinking. Do some people actually get over their "first love"? I know a lot of people who are still involved with their first love or somebody they loved unconditionally and they aren't together and may actually have another partner. I wonder why this still occurs if supposedly you may be "over" this person? I myself still wonder will I ever get over my Ex-Boyfriend. The difference is, I was still and am still able to move on from him and life without feeling hatred in my heart nor still dealing with him. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be or it wasn't planned out right the first time. So you let GOD figure out what went wrong then he presents it to you both then you decide. I had several issues within my relationship that caused us to part but that didn't BREAK me...it HELPED me. I take somethings as a life lesson. Now of course I can sit here and remember the way that he use to love me, but I can also remember the way I use to love my dog. lol Nah but seriously, When you've found someone who you may have given your all to and that goes away, you might be hurt and still reminisce here and there. Sometimes I wonder "What if?" but the path I am on now answers to me "This is why..." IDK. Some people may not understand where I'm coming from but I'm just simply saying though you love some...YOU DONT HAVE TO STAY WITH THEM. You can love someone and be without them, because in the end, maybe that's the best thing to do for the moment or for eternity. Any new relationship that I may get into as I get older will know how I felt about my first love and how I handle love in general because L.O.V.E is a serious emotion. Though being with that out on the table I would NEVER step aside from my current partner to cheat with my EX. That's a ball of confusion and mistrust that I personally don't need and I can't understand why some people can deal with it.