Saturday, August 28, 2010

The difference

I honestly am not in-love with you but I do love you
I'm actually still attracted to you but I don't want to be with you
I like having sex with you, but sex with you recently hasn't been enjoyed
I'd like to be friends with you but I don't think you would treat me like your friend
I'm a female just like the others but you don't treat me like the others
I like when you text me but I don't like when you text me extra late
I like the fact that you are sexually attracted to me but I don't like how you try to use me as a
BOOTY CALL
I like the fact that you never call me because I honestly am never going to call you
I've been trying to be distant from you but you prevent me from being distant
I hate the eye contact we have but I look to see if you are still looking at me
THINKING ABOUT ME
It's not okay to say whatever you want to me but yet you still do,
It's not okay to treat me however you want to treat me but yet you still do,
It's not right to disrespect me after all these years but yet you still do
So guess what you can do?
This lil 5'5 cute brown sash
You can kiss my ass
My nice actions towards you no longer last and your def. apart of my past
You can kiss my ass
I don't owe you anything at this point and you said yourself your'e not obligated to do anything for me
You can kiss my ass
There's no need to be fake or sugar coat shit
No longer do I need to fuck you
No more fun tricks on your dick
That's all I've been dealing with
Dark ass nights of sex&&bullshit
That's something I don't deal with
SO
We can smile in each other's face and say hi and goodbye
The difference is I came to realize that I'm over you and you haven't read between the lines to see it yet.
I am honestly done with you, but your'e not done with me yet?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

cleaning out my closet

sooo im sitting here throwing away things from my past relationship. I found the stuff earlier and I laughed because it was memories that made me feel good. My ex and I have no intentions on being together again but when I started throwing the stuff away, it made me realize, this was the very same stuff/memories that helped me grow as a person and learn certain things since i was 14. even if i dont look at it all the time, atleast I know its there...so five years later this shall be a reminder of my youth and a ideal symbol for my adult hood...i have plenty of things from plenty of ppl so..you win some..you lose some...i trash some..i keep some. He threw his stuff away though..guess it didnt help him at all..so back in the box and in the trunk it goes and hopefully i will build new memories with this new guy..already got my first picture for my mirror. :) MEMORIES ARE A REFLECTION OF YOU..REFLECTION OF ME..REFLECTION OF WE..A LIFE LEARNED LESSON FILLED WITH LAUGHS,SMILES,TEARS AND BITTER&BEAUTIFUL POETRY.

sooner than later....

sooner than later im going to sweep him off his feet or hopefully he will sweep me off mines. He told me that he cant easy be swept but only time will tell...I cant help but laugh as i txt this from my phone right now...he just txted me "I miss you" hmmm is that right? cant be swept huh? 6 months later...

i'll always finish last

I cant understand til this day why im always placed on the back burner. Even when I give 100 and these bitches barely give in 50, they get the finest wine and its passed to me once its empty. I smile like everything is okay when its not, but i cry poor stories and countless heartbreaks when no one is around. Nobody has ever loved me and I cant understand why. When all I give is complete honesty and loyalty, while they yank me by my invinsible tie. Pushing my buttons until they are stuck,jammed,and unable to have a reaction, I am left to assume that I am not wanted. I fell in and out of love with my EX, and had several crushes...each leaving me to fall flat on my face. Left in my mouth is a taste of dirt,distater,and disappointment. I have no other choice but to assume that I should lock up my emotions,write down my hopeless romantic dreams, and let them set sail. I want to be able to give the gift that no one else has ever given, I gave myself to someone once before and I was left to cast away and burn, thought I would have learned but I kept going back because that was all I could ever know. Then another shimmied in my life and showed me things that I could only imagine in a novel but after many meetings I still remain single...its partially because im protectin my heart but I knew better to be anyones fool from the start. Darts being thrown at my heart from lies,haters,scavengers that use me. I hope that one day I wont have to wonder if the next person wont use me and abuse me. So until then, here I i sit here, a sweet simple girl, a secret hopeless romantic...ready to be swept off my feet..

Monday, August 2, 2010

vacationnnnnn fuck yess!!!

Sooo im going to OceanCity from saturday-wednesday and I cant wait!!! this will give me enough time to clear my mind and get my shit together because theres been alot going on. Im ready for the semester to start also because I will start working. Got some serious stuff planned for this upcoming semester

As of right now...

At 4:00am, ive come to realize that im not satisfied with my life right now...some of the choices that ive made within the past few months were so fuckin stupid that im sitting back and wondering why? like why am i botherin with people that wont be benefial towards my life? why keep fuckin someone who doesnt even love me and i cant see a possible future with him?...its all been a waste of time and it ends here. i need to fix this and go down the right path before its too late. i just want to be able to hold my own and be stable..mentally,physically,emotional,and financial and most people in my life arent giving it to me.I FINALLY ADMIT THAT IM FUCKING DRAINED this just isnt working for me so its time for a new game plan...this may cause a change in me but its for the better to make my life better....im tired of doing for people when i dont owe them shit. sometimes my mind drifts off to the thought of what if? in some sort of fantasy world and i need to stop fuckin playin and face certain realities. its natural to be in fear of losing something but if its not benefial towards your life then wtf? soooo here it goes...im ready for Gods blessing and if my future doesnt involve you then so be it....at times i just feel like i only have myself, like im my own breed because people just dont understand and care so today declares a new perception of life...everybody always says "a new me" but i just think thats unrealistic so heres a toast to "a new future" a new beginning to a beautiful end...its time for Saliyha to move on and do me...what can be more deeper than that?...I just hope God keeps my feet elevated on the ground and my head in the clouds...closer to my dreams